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i love aaron. and i know that now. i love him. why? i don’t know. he’s not what i usually like. really. but yeah. him. oof . i wish he were here right now. i wish i knew what to do with him. i don’t even know what to write. ha. |
names
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Lucky
Name a favorite of each: food, drink, color. Italian. Shirley Temple. Purple. |
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write now
she is a troubling thing. some times she is so serious and detached, and then the next second she is overflowing with life. i like her smile. and her eyes. and her laugh. right now, she is floating in the room. i know she is exhausted from training, and there are traces of her previous mood on her. i can hear the music in her head. i should know better than to let my mind wander. there is so much to do. everything is at war. we have offended the Light too much. i don’t even know where to begin. it’s up to my 17 year old girlfriend to figure everything out. i can remember when i first got here. i knew when i met her, i had to stay with her always. she needed me. she took me from an orphaned beggar to the most dangerous man in the universe. i owe her my all. more than my life. my life is nothing. i was educated, then trained in combat and strategy. i love her so much. i’m not sure how i got this Lucky. she wants to help everyone so badly. she corrects my grammar. her humor is dark. her smile is real. her soul is perfect. her eyes change color. she is so passionate. and weird. unpredictable, like the Texas weather we live in. i don’t know. i just love her. she saw me when i was Untouchable. she made me. and then let me see who she was, flaws and all. she can be so remote to everyone else, but then around me she is just herself. it’s so much more than a physical thing. it’s her heart. and how she makes me live. there are times when i feel inhuman, like a monster. or made of stone. she shows me how to feel again. that i’m okay. i’ve killed so many people, done so many wrongs. played God too many times. she treats me like i’ve never changed. i hate myself. she still loves me. she is the human part of me. she’s so cute, too . i don’t have to impress her. i can just hang out and listen to music. just being near her is okay. we can enjoy silence. it’s so rare. we fight, sometimes we don’t even makeup. but there’s noone else i’d rather fight with, no matter how stupid it is. we always have eachother. we know what to say. she’s turned my life on my lonely island to a thing where i say “we” and “us” with such and intimacy that can’t break. our love is actually infinite. i don’t know how to describe it. but i’ll keep trying. |
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semper fi
My world involves many other worlds. it affects everyone and everything. i am a master juggler, it would seem. or magician. i wish i could be anyone but me. my life has changed so many times. it could change again today. i just never know. there is too much i don’t know. i don’t try to remember much about my life before that day. as far as i’m concerned, my life began the day i met Divikar. technically, it did. before then, is sometimes a blur, and sometimes painfully clear. the years of my captivity should be put in a box and buried somewhere under a great mountain so that way it will no longer be a part of me. but you can’t erase scars, so it’s whatever. i’ve been getting along. Coming home with Div and staying there was almost impossible. suddenly, i had a family that loved me? a brother who died for me? and i was some big deal? no thanks. i was terrified. i almost immediately began training. i had to learn so much. but i loved learning. history and reading easily became my passions. then i was introduced to music and volleyball. Divikar and i were inseparable. he has always been my bestfriend and the only stationary thing around me. it feels weird writing about this. ha. so much of my life has been recorded and out there, and i’ve never gotten to really tell my story. i’m a collection of events. i don’t even feel human. i just am and i am going to be until i’m not. i am a machine. so many people dream of being a hero or whatever. not me. my dreams don’t matter, unless they match up with what everyone says they should look like. see, i’m supposed to choose sides, keep peace, be powerful, save everyone, and prevail. nevermind who i really am, what my passions are. i just have to keep on going and obeying, or die. which isn’t fair. i should have the ability to change all this. i’m the most powerful thing alive, and all the people who could control me are dead. all the glory that they could’ve had is rotting in the ground. and i have to do their job. i’m the last one left. i guess that’s my life, my circumstance. right now, i’m laying here in Ilyana’s treehouse, watching the clouds shift. next to me is Div, looking up thoughtfully at the ceiling while swaying in a hammock. he is such a puzzle to me. one hand behind his head, he looks both brooding and relaxed. looking into his mind , i see that he is worried about his next mission. he doesn’t have a past, like me. he just is. noble, duty bond, and stoic. oh, and mine. ha. i love him. it’s about 4 am. i have school soon and a Council meeting. all is quiet around me. and i can breath. i will stay out here until the lights go on. then i have to resume life. “she will have golden hair and changing eyes mighty and troubled, her burden is not Light alas, there will an ease to her pain she will find him in the rain what is past has passed and she will try to forget a fierce warrior, terrible foe, and honest friend she will be until her end and her ending will never truly come forever living, she will outlive the sun. Bless her, love her, oh the Chosen One!” |
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❝
of COURSE i think she’s physically beautiful. that body of hers is the only thing keeping her soul here with me. she’s too good for this world. her body is what her soul looks like, to us. it’s perfect. her eyes, her smile. i’m in love with her, inside and out. i’m thankful everyday she’s with me.
❞
- Divakar, on Lucky
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